My Surprise!

Wee! Mom gave me a surprise today~!

She went to the mall earlier today to buy some supplies with some relatives of ours. I stayed home because I was still tired from all the events that I had to be in yesterday. So I was able to sleep in the afternoon for (gasp!) 3 hours(?) and once I woke up, I had to do some "housewife" jobs too. Hehe, I call it housewife coz whenever I do chores, I feel like a house wife especially since my mom and I are the only women in the house.

The only thing I asked mom to buy for me was a can of potato strings which I hadn't been able to eat in about a year now. (I suddenly missed it)and lo! When she came home, she gave me 3 surprises!

Waaaa! It's a bunny USB, plus a bunny CP bag, AND a voice recorder for when I'm making songs outside the house! Wahahaha~ I'm so happy! I love love love love love them!

I'm using the recorder right now but I seem to only be filling it with strange melodies off the top of my head. I'm still learning about it because I'm so bad at techi-stuff and I really, really wanna take care of this one.

I haven't used the USB yet since I wanted to clean the pc of viruses first before using it. Pyu~ (Isn't it obvious that I'm overly careful with bunny related materials?)

Anyway, I'd also like to share some pictures from last Wednesday when my family and I went to the Gleeks Night Out event hosted by ETC/JACKTV/SOLAR ENTERTAINMENT where Gleeks around the area gather to watch the latest episode of Glee without commercial breaks, AND get some wicked GLEE prizes upon game participation. We came about 30 mins early (excited?) and so I took the time to take pictures~

Unfortunately, my weak memory hindered me from getting a perfect score in the Glee quiz so I was unable to get the Glee Locker prize. T.T But nevertheless, the staff still gave us some great prizes to go home with, including Glee Shirts and notepads.

I also made two new friends there before I left the place. ^^ It seems I'm making at least a new friend every week now so I'm quite glad about that. It makes up for all the busyness of this week and the weeks before that. :D

To all the new friends I made this week, I'm so glad I met you and thank you for speaking to me. XD I'm too shy to speak out on my own, I suppose.

To sum up this week: It was full of Surprises! New friends, new things to undertake, and new bunny stuff! In all our days, we must thank God and praise Him for His wisdom and love; even in the little things.

Fear of Rejection

I've been mulling it over in my mind for a long while now.

I've been searching deep inside myself, deep into my past, asking myself one vital question that I felt would set me another level free from the raptures of my own psychological and emotional constraints. I've been bound and crippled by my own devices for so long. I've been drowning under the sea with heavy chains holding me down and with every key found, I am liberated and that much closer to the clear surface. I've been doing fine slowly, but suddenly as of late I felt I'd been set back a few leagues closer to where I had been before I saw the Light.

So I asked myself again: Why am I afraid of rejection?

Nobody wants to be rejected, I'm sure. But why is that so? When I study my trail of thoughts, this is what I find occurs.

Phase 1: Hope? I feel a deep joy in hope. I expect something wonderful to happen but at the same time there is a nagging fear at the back of my mind, telling me not to hope, not to be happy, and wait for something to go wrong. Because when I do expect something and when something does go wrong, I would become a pitiful fool for all to ridicule and belittle.

Phase 2: Rejection. Whenever I'm rejected, or dismissed, or spoken of unkindly (whether to my face or behind my back) there is great pain. There is a sense of disillusion and disappointment. When I linger in those things, the next phase begins nagging and clinging on to me.

Phase 3: Pity Party. I start throwing a big glamorous pity party for myself wherein the following events are involved in the program: Blame self (check) Feel betrayed (check) Reprimand self for hoping (check) Think lowly of self (check)Tell self to stop trying to change what is "fact" and "logical" (check) Tell self that this was bound to happen from the start (check) Feel like everything was a big fat waste of time and effort (CHECK) Feel worthless (SUPER CHECK)

Phase 4: Give up. This is the time that I lose completely to that pity party. This is the time that I lose. Period. Someone asked me before what the opposite of 'love' was. It wasn't 'hate', it was 'not feeling/caring'. When I give up, there is a feeling of emptiness inside of me and the feeling of being so hollow made me even more depressed, even more purposeless...even more aware of how 'worthless' I was. I was drowning and quickly losing air.

Phase 5: Never try again. Perhaps the worst part of the whole cycle. This is the most destructive phase of all. This is when I stopped swimming upstream.

I remember telling someone before something about trusting people. I said that, if you don't trust anyone, then you trust no one. If you don't trust one, you don't trust all. I think the same could be applied to me at this time. If I don't dive this one time--because of the fear of falling, or the fear of feeling the pain, or the fear of dying--then when will I ever dive to get to that place that I know will truly make me happy?

When I look back to those times I'd been hurt by the people I truly cared for, and recall how badly I wanted to just give up and leave...I praise God I didn't. Because if I had gone up and left, I wouldn't have been able to see this day: this bright, beautiful, shining day where those people and I are at peace with each other. I wouldn't have found the care we all thought was impossible to have survived all the things we'd gone through. If I hadn't stayed...I would have missed out on this great yet simple joy of being with them. If I had given up, I wouldn't have been able to have the opportunity to have this treasure in my grasp.

God helped me realize something tonight: Thinking negative will only bring negative outcomes. It's a safe choice, yes. But it's a safe negative. Whereas when you think positive, there is a 50/50 chance that it will actually be positive. Maybe even 70/30 if you truly believe in it with all your heart. So why let yourself drown in negativity just because your afraid of being rejected when you have the chance to be happy AND be accepted? Wouldn't taking a chance be better than just griping in your corner pretending you're okay? Wouldn't getting up from bruises be better than being comfortable playing dead?

Looking only at my 'micro-happiness', I tell myself that that's the only thing I can achieve. But when I do that, I'm closing my eyes to all the 'macro-happiness' happening all around me! I don't realize there's more to gain than to lose. When I focus on my little box, I don't see the other opportunities that I (unknowingly) CAN have and will make me even happier! I'm missing out on a lot~! o,o

A lot of billionaires all around write book after book about their lives, and what you'll find they had in common was that they were (at some point of their lives) pioneers of an idea, or movement, an innovation, or an invention... They DARED to move past whatever obstacles held them back. Because they knew they needed to, in order to succeed, to survive, and to ultimately find happiness.

Henry Sy is only one example but I chose him because he was able to make it big in the Philippines. :P

So what if they didn't have money when they grew up? Or had a bad family? Or didn't have a family? They worked hard and tried everything they could to gain whatever they needed and didn't have, and used it well in order to invest on something that will blossom later into whatever had gotten them where they are at the moment. I know money isn't the measurement of a man. But it's not about the money they gained. It's about the triumph against the odds; against the world and themselves.

When I think about it, the only negative thinker who got famous (that I recall) was Vincent van Gogh (Dutch post-impressionist painter, Starry Night)

He was a depressing man. He said before, "My youth was gloomy and cold and sterile". If you read his life story, you'll find that he had always been a negative thinker, and made no effort to change that because his life kept turning for the worst, supposedly. He only got famous centuries after his death. But how he lived, and how he died? If that's the price of fame, I don't think it's worth it.

In fact, His brother said his last words were, "La tristesse durera toujours" (the sadness will last forever) the day he died from shooting himself in the chest.

What a life I would lead if I had always let myself give up; let myself give in to depression and negative thoughts, all due to the fear of rejection! Bad will be my residence. Everything will be bad, or worse. If I get lucky, it'll turn good, but only for a moment. Soon enough things will be back to bad and at the end of the day, I chose to be unhappy.

I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN!

I will not let myself become a captive of fear. For fear is not made by God, He who made all things beautiful, wonderful, and good. Fear is the enemy's means to control those who have the ability to do great things for the kingdom of God.

I refuse to be controlled by the enemy. I refuse to lose to him when I carry the name of the Lord Almighty in my heart. Starting today, I free myself from the chains that bind me: fooling me into thinking that failure will be the death of me, and that doing nothing is better because it's safe. I free myself from the fear of being rejected, or ridiculed, or misunderstood, or hurt! I free myself from the false sense of security giving up gives me.

God is my only security and He is my only hope. I will be like those people who win: those who try a hundred times even if they fail ninety-nine times. Because that one precious win is more than nothing at all, and I plan to offer it to Him.

Fear of rejection, I banish you in the Holy name of my Lord! I am now a positive, braver, Can-do-attitude lady and I will be happy! XD

To Heed His Call

Despite my sometimes obvious eccentricity, I am actually the kind of person who is happy to stay in my little box of comforts. I'm happy with my close knit of friends, and I'm happy staying in my room doing whatever things I like to do. I grew up in a "box" and I'm happy in there.

But the Lord wants so much more from me.

I don't doubt Him. I know He gave it in me to be able to do what He asks. But I am scared. I don't exactly see what He sees and I don't think a lot of other people see it either. In my head, I'm thinking, "I'm just me. What could I possibly do? I don't even pass on other people's standards, what more somewhere else?"

The first time He called upon me, I was also this way: petrified to take the leap. He was ripping the edges of my cardboard box apart and pulling me out into a world that I wasn't familiar with. I closed my eyes tight and held His arm with a vice-like grip, trembling from my knees to my teeth, and screaming, "LORDIDUNWANNA! LORDIDUNWANNA!"

But I came out breathing still, stronger...better than I was before. I will always be thankful for that and I will never forget the greatness of His wisdom. But just when I was getting comfortable in this slightly larger box, He comes knocking again!

"Come now, we have somewhere else to go." He says to me with that cheeky grin of His.

"EH!?" I reply with reluctance. "Lord...but...I'm doing okay here." I answered, pulling my arm back from His hold. "I'm not even perfecting it here yet. Why do I have to go out there?" He kept His silence, waiting for me to finish ranting in my head and once again bringing myself down like the many times I did before. "I'm comfortable here and if I leave, then I won't be able to bring the couch with me, or my new phone, or my favorite plushy! What will that world outside the box be like? What if they don't like me there? What if I won't survive?"

He waited until I calmed down and only spoke once I asked Him again the question I seem to always ask Him. "Why me?"

He answered with a smile.

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD’s Favor
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.

Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

“For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed.”

I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.

I wonder if Peter, Andrew, James, or John ever felt this way. They were fishermen who, upon the calling of Jesus Christ, quickly put down their nets and followed Him. Did they too feel fear of leaving behind what and who they were before? Or is fear just a means of the devil to hold you back from shining for God and doing what He wills for your life?

Now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. When the devil sees the people of God moving to win their battles, He injects little bits of doubt in each and every one of them. Just a little bit of Wrath, pride, lust, sloth, envy, gluttony, or greed harbored inside all of us can steer us far from our main goal: which is to glorify God and do His Holy will. I've seen these little sins destroy great people again and again. Is it now happening to me?

I refuse to let the devil win this time. I refuse to be afraid. God gave no such thing as limits to what we can do when we are aiming to win for Him. I may be small, I may be weak, I may not be the best, and I may not know it all but the Lord is by my side all the way. Bigatin ata ang partner ko!

Time to heed His call! Get your gears ready, men, coz we are marching off to battle!

Are you Critical?

We had a lesson in one of our subjects, Architectural Essay, that really caught my attention. I wanted to share it with you guys. Pardon the manner it had been written, it's just that these are from my personal notes. :P

Are you a critical thinker?

Because when we do not think critically about our choices, we tend to make the wrong one. It only takes one wrong move to start a domino effect of wrong situations that will only get worse as you continue.

So here are a few notes from my lessons and I hope you guys will absorb the information and reflect upon yourself. I did it too when the teacher was giving her lecture.

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."
Matthew 7:13-14

Thinking:

-biased, self-interested, to satisfy the human ego, prejudiced, exaggerated, and defends prior divisions.

Critical Thinking:

-Skillful analysis, assessment and reconstruction
-Self-directed, self-disciplined, self-monitors, self-corrective thinking
-Entails effective communication and problem-solving abilities

How to Think Critically:

1. Analyze thinking
-Identify purpose, question its information, conclusion, assumption, implication, main concept, and point of view.

2. Assess thinking
-Check for clarity, accuracy, precision, relevance, assumption, implication, significance, logic and fairness.

A well cultivated critical thinker:
-Raises vital questions and problems
-Gathers and assesses relevant information
-Comes to well-reasoned conclusion
-open-minded with in alternative systems of thoughts
-Communicates effectively with others

Critical Thinking includes a combination of skills:
1. Rationality

-rely on reason rather than emotion
-requires evidence, ignore no known evidence, follow where evidence leads
-concerned more with finding the best explanation than being RIGHT.

2. Self-awareness

-recognizes own assumptions and PREJUDICES
-weighs influences of motives and biases

3. Honesty

-recognizes emotional impulses, selfish motives, immoral purposes, or other modes of self-deception

4. Open-mindedness

-Evaluate all reasonable presumptions
-consider different view points
-remain open to alternatives
-accept new explanations because it explains the evidence better
-accept new priorities in response to re-evaluation of evidences
-do not reject unpopular views

5. Discipline

-precise, meticulous, comprehensive, and exhaustive
-RESISTS MANIPULATION and irrational appeals
-avoid SNAP JUDGMENTS

6. Judgment

-recognize relevance and/or merit of alternative assumptions and perspectives
-recognize extent and weight of evidence.

Confusion Day

I love love love love this website! Thank God for the people who made this~!

http://www.christnotes.org/bible.php?q=Proverbs+3&ver=niv

Proverbs 3

3My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: 2 For length of days, and long [1] life, and peace, shall they add to thee. 3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: 4 So shalt thou find favour and good [2] understanding in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. 8 It shall be health [3] to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. 9 Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: 10 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine. 11 My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: 12 For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.

13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. 14 For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. 15 She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. 16 Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour. 17 Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. 18 She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her. 19 The Lord by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established [4] the heavens. 20 By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down the dew.

21 My son, let not them depart from thine eyes: keep sound wisdom and discretion: 22 So shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck. 23 Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. 24 When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. 25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. 26 For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

27 Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it. 28 Say not unto thy neighbour, Go, and come again, and to morrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee. 29 Devise [5] not evil against thy neighbour, seeing he dwelleth securely by thee. 30 Strive not with a man without cause, if he have done thee no harm. 31 Envy thou not the oppressor, [6] and choose none of his ways. 32 For the froward is abomination to the Lord: but his secret is with the righteous. 33 The curse of the Lord is in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth the habitation of the just. 34 Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly. 35 The wise shall inherit glory: but shame shall be the promotion of fools.

Tonight I had been filled with unrest. I wanted to write something out to clear up my thoughts but...there was no loose string to pull on. I was in a blank state where there was nothing specific in my mind yet I am troubled.

For the past two days, I've been observing a lot of troubling things and at the same time thinking to myself, am I the one who's not getting it? I was baffled at the choices people made about how they interact with others, or the direction they wanted for their life, or the very intention they had for the things they did. Also, I was being troubled by some information I found on the internet. I found lies being told, rumors being spread, hostility where it is not needed, and just people judging whoever they felt like judging just because they could.

There are so many little things in the world that I never thought of before and now that I have seen it, I struggled to find the logic. But there were too many things, too many questions......so many that I couldn't hear my own heart nor the Holy Spirit.

So, when you're lost, what do you do? Well, of course, you know what I do. I open the Bible~ But I can't find my Bible at the moment so I decided to take a chance randomly searching for a verse in the Internet. Curtly praying for a Bible verse, I typed in "Bible Verse".

I found the perfect one.

Proverbs 3:34
He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.

Which is like telling me, "those people tryin'a bring other people down are just mockers. They're as unimportant as how they make others feel. You don't have to bend to their twisted visions of what you should be. Just be humble, and He'll take care of everything."

So one of my "Confusion" topics got answered. But something told me to click further and it lead to the whole chapter of Proverbs 3 and I found that ALL of my "Confusion" Topics got answered right away! Praise God for setting my troubles to rest!

Proverbs 3:25-26
Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

He's really so amazing.

About my ambitious Faith goals, He told me:

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

About my weaknesses and wondering if I should bend to the ways of the world:

Proverbs 3:9
Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the first fruits of all thine increase

Proverbs 3:31-32
Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose none of his ways. For the froward is abomination to the Lord: but his secret is with the righteous.

About my hesitance to help a few people:

Proverbs 3:27
Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.

I'm not kidding when I tell you that the Bible is God's way of speaking to you. I'm definitely not saying it to try to impose my personal beliefs upon you.

You know when you're extremely happy, you can't help but want to make other people happy too? That's how I feel when I write these things, or tell my friends about God's grace. I just want to share my joy. God has given me an abundance of it and I won't be able to consume all of it even if I live for a hundred more years!

God bless you all~ :) Tonight I have been given the rest I much needed.